OMG, ive gone off my pizza.....

[jase]

Came home tonight after watching a horror circus thingy. Plenty of freaks on display and was looking forward to my pizza when i got home.
Trotted up the stairs for a quick widdle, and noooooo, horror, no amount of circus horror freaks could prepare me for what i saw.
The babysitter, a friendly 19 year old girl had blocked the toilet, yes blocked the toilet with the most super massive turd i have ever seen. Worse still, it was compacted into the bend.

I had no idea the night would turn out so horrible. Im terrified to enter the bathroom, i cant eat, I shudder at the thought of the giganticness of the object deposited in our home. Its utterly f_c7ing massive. And i have never seen a turd, so enormous in girth its actually wedged in the bend.


For the pole. What should the girl of done?
We have been disgusting what is the correct etiquette should you cause a serious, P1, defcon 4, force 13 toilet disaster in someones house?

[stefaclese]

Now how big are we talking? 6 Qureques? 7?

Dayum that is rough, were there any signs that she'd tried to get rid of it like stab marks?

I'm guessing thats the last time that babysitter will be used, not that she'd be expecting a call from you anymore.

[Punx0r]

We have been disgusting what is the correct etiquette should you cause a serious, P1, defcon 4, force 13 toilet disaster in someones house?

Freudian slip

I'd do my best to dispose of anything I'd deposited.

It is making me wonder a few things about what this teenage girl is like to have done such a thing...

[mg-richard]

coastal erosion ftw

[BlueRover]

Perhaps she could have made one of these.

http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/1 ... istmas+Poo

http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/1 ... istmas+Poo
Best Evah !!

[200coupe]

I have to say id try and get rid of it its the polite thing to do is to get rid of your poo as a guest.

[teethgrinder]

She must be well into having her backdoor kicked in. Keep her and pimp her out!

[Bobbybrown]

She must be well into having her backdoor kicked in. Keep her and pimp her out!

[BazR]

Rubber gloves, stick your hand down and dislodge it. Has to be done!

Just imagine you are tickling a trout!

[Vard66]

My best friend does this to me every time he comes over. He's 6' 6" and built, though, so the size of turd he leaves in the bog seems just about in proportion, of course. His chosen method is just to wait till the morning he's leaving and then go for it, then just go.

[Sheaf]

Ram it with the toilet brush until it break up, then plant the now brown bog brush in the garden upside down and try and pass it off as a bush.

[paul888]

She must be well into having her backdoor kicked in. Keep her and pimp her out!

That's what i thought pmsl .

[xr4x4]

toliet brush again.... shite washes off..

she shoulda got rid at any cost, esp due to the fact that you werent in...! if your guest had popped to the toliet while you were in the house its different...you might be wondering what they where doing in there....!!!!

lol...

have you ever had to flush twice while a guest at someone elses house? you might as well just shout down the stairs.. "IVE JUST HAD A FCUKING MASSIVE DUMP AND IT WONT FLUSH.!!!"

he he

[stefaclese]

have you ever had to flush twice while a guest at someone elses house? you might as well just shout down the stairs.. "IVE JUST HAD A FCUKING MASSIVE DUMP AND IT WONT FLUSH.!!!"

Try that while someone is waiting to use the loo

[mg-richard]

you havent got one of those eco flush toilets which only put out a small amount of water?
goddam i hated those, got me every time, sat there looking at it while i waited for it to refill

[Quiche81]

toliet brush again.... shite washes off..

she shoulda got rid at any cost, esp due to the fact that you werent in...! if your guest had popped to the toliet while you were in the house its different...you might be wondering what they where doing in there....!!!!

lol...

have you ever had to flush twice while a guest at someone elses house? you might as well just shout down the stairs.. "IVE JUST HAD A FCUKING MASSIVE DUMP AND IT WONT FLUSH.!!!"

he he

Lol, I like your style, Just admitting to what you've done cos you know damn well they know somethings up.

I Hate it when you flush away even a medium turd and the bog has the worlds most feeble flush, then followed by
a cistern that fills from nothing more than a drip a minute valve.

[Din]

Sorry but.....

I vote this RTs most ammusing thread for some time

Btw, was she fit

[fergy7197]

this is the stuff legends are made of....

a bet if the lass was a proper ride, then you wouldnt mind much....

i have spilt my vodka all over the comp reading this.

[Sheaf]

you havent got one of those eco flush toilets which only put out a small amount of water?
goddam i hated those, got me every time, sat there looking at it while i waited for it to refill

We have one of those, the answer is simple. Take a dump at work. It's great getting paid to curl one down. Esp when you're on overtime at time and a half

[mg-richard]

you havent got one of those eco flush toilets which only put out a small amount of water?
goddam i hated those, got me every time, sat there looking at it while i waited for it to refill

We have one of those, the answer is simple. Take a dump at work. It's great getting paid to curl one down. Esp when you're on overtime at time and a half

ahh the old sly number two at work
dont forget to double the paper over when your wiping wouldnt want all that free paper to go to waste and a good few sheets or ten down the pan for splashback protection

[Sheaf]

Heh, I work in Engineering... with loads of blokes.. there's nothing sly about it. Pretty much everyone here just says, 'back in a bit, going for a turd'.

It must only be office/mixed sex environments where people feel the need to be subtle

[xr4x4]

good tip.... flush after the dump then again at the end.. saves time...!

[fergy7197]

aah but then you need to hover a bit then paul so you dont get your arse wet....

personally I like to see the toilet try and swallow the said jobby

[Ritchie]

Heh, I work in Engineering... with loads of blokes.. there's nothing sly about it. Pretty much everyone here just says, 'back in a bit, going for a turd'.

It must only be office/mixed sex environments where people feel the need to be subtle

Same here, you can walk into the bog's on the shop floor and there are papers/reading material sat waiting for you

[stefaclese]

Lol, this is certainly turning in to a thread legends are made of.

I remember many a time was killed at my summer job playing solitaire on my phone whilst sat on the bog, I must have earnt at least £100-£200 taking many a dump during the 3 or 4 months I was there

I agree with fergy, let the toilet take some punishment!

[xr4x4]

aah but then you need to hover a bit then paul so you dont get your arse wet....

funnily enough you dont....

[Punx0r]

I sometimes save them for work...

[KyleAsh]

Heh, I work in Engineering... with loads of blokes.. there's nothing sly about it. Pretty much everyone here just says, 'back in a bit, going for a turd'.

It must only be office/mixed sex environments where people feel the need to be subtle

Likewise

Just beat the bugger down with a stick

[Marty]

She must be well into having her backdoor kicked in. Keep her and pimp her out!

That's what i thought pmsl .

I would say here back doors have been smashed right of the hinges to pass that

One of the funniest things i have read in a while it brought tears to my eyes.

[fergy7197]

She must be well into having her backdoor kicked in. Keep her and pimp her out!

That's what i thought pmsl .

I would say here back doors have been smashed right of the hinges to pass that

One of the funniest things i have read in a while it brought tears to my eyes.

i bet it brought a tear to her eye too

it must have been one of those ones where u actually have to make a noise to get it out

[teethgrinder]

Going from the claimed size, I would not be suprised if it waved goodbye...

[Din]

i bet it brought a tear to her eye too

[StuBlake13]

[5teve L]

i bet it brought a tear to her eye too

That made me LOL !

http://www.disarm.se/data/bildunttext_n ... thread.jpg

[Mitus]

Well, as this thread started quite literally in the gutter, and has proceeded down hill ever since, I think now would be a good time to tell the tale of the phantom poo

Probably going to regret this but here goes. Was at home, and felt the need for a dump, so off I went and took care of that. It was a monster, I'm 5ft 10", slim-average build and I just couldn't work out how/where I'd stored such an item. Flushed the toilet, which took some away but not the main body, so I washed my hands whilst waiting for the cistern to refill. That took too long so I thought "meh, I'll come back later and give it another go."

Some hours later I got in the car and drove to my dad's (80 miles away) where I would be staying a couple of days. Was halfway up the M40 when it dawned on me what I'd done (or hadn't!)

So it sat that for a couple of days festering away. Wouldn't bother me really, I live on my own and am a typical bloke so found it quite amusing (as did my dad). The problem was, my mum was coming to visit me after I'd returned from my dad's. She has a key to my house. I'd had a quick general tidy up ready for inspection, but no amount of hoovering/dusting/putting things in a cupboard out the way could possibly undo the damage of her needing to use the bathroom and being greeted by "the phantom poo."

I got back to my house 10 minutes before she arrived. Fortunately it had broken down a bit by then and didn't put up a fight, one flush was enough. I dread to think of the consequences had she got there first

As for using the facilities at work, seems silly not too. My highest so far earner was my "triple time dump" when working Christmas day 2006, needless to say I dragged that one out as long as I could, probably squeezed ( ) 25 quid!